Pandemonium and a full moon


So, tomorrow is the big day. It's been a crazy week of trying to make lists and remember things. We picked this weekend for our journey because we figured that being Easter weekend there would be fewer transport trucks on the road to contend with. However, I hadn't considered the fact that this is also a full moon, which no doubt was the influence leading to the pandemonium that took place here 2 nights ago.

First of all, just to introduce the characters who will be the mainstay of the story, we have two cats. Taz is a 13 year old female who doesn't care for kittens or males. Poncho is a 2 year old male who thinks life is just one big game. Their relationship is not one of hearts and flowers. She tolerates him with a cool reserve. He ignores that she only tolerates him and tries to engage her in games anyway.

So there I was on the couch, trying to finish putting together some documents and Poncho as usual was trying to get my attention. His method involved sitting on the dining room table and one by one tossing pens and papers to the floor hoping I'd get up to scold him, and then he could pretend we are actually playing a game of tag. I yelled at him a couple of times and he would look up at me with that wide-eyed 'who me?' look. And then he did it. He decided to toss down the big tape gun I'd been using to seal up moving boxes.

And this is when it turned into a Three Stooges Slapstick comedy. The tape stuck to his paw forcing him to jump down. And then the frenzied panic run through the house ensued with him screaming and yelping. The tape stretched out and the tape gun now became a swinging pendulum that swung around and walloped him every time he changed direction. He ran top speed through the house ricocheting off furniture and walls like a ball in a pinball machine shrieking even louder every time the tape gun hit him. I broke into a mad dash trying to catch him before he hurt himself but by the time he'd gone through three rooms he was now so scared he was pissing and shitting all the way, and me slipping in it and trying to keep my balance.

As he came down a narrow hallway I managed to tackle him. He immediately assumed I was trying to kill him and although he's had all his teeth removed except for the four fangs in the front, he managed to chomp down on my hand like a soul possessed. Now I was shrieking right along with him. He was squirming and sliding around in urine and gland excretions (for those of you who own male cats you know what I mean, that skunky smelling stuff they mark territory with) and it was like trying to hang onto a greased pig. Time was of the essence now, so there was no way to gently cut out the tape which now had migrated to the end of his tail. I had to hold his tail in one hand, tape in the other and yank. This produced a colossal shriek that I'm sure was heard two streets over and left a giant wad of hair on the tape. I let him go thinking the crisis was over. But no, this was not to be.

I looked down and noticed blood dripping profusely from my hand and my husband hovering over me wondering if a trip to the emergency ward was in order. By now, Taz had followed in and smelling fear, blood and aggression she went into hyper freak mode (again, cat owners will completely understand this) and viciously attacked poor Poncho as he came around the corner trying to make his dash to freedom. Now there was more shrieking and fur flying along with the rest and it required a squirt gun to get her away from him. There was no way to pick her up without losing an eye so I had to chase her out of the room and slam the door shut.

Now I'm wondering where Poncho is because I want to check him for injuries. There was so much blood everywhere I wasn't sure if it was all mine or if some was his. There he was under the kitchen cabinet, soaking wet with urine, smelling like the worst skunky thing you can imagine, a 2 inch turd still halfway out of his butt and looking at me growling like I was the enemy. It took a half hour of coaxing and treat waving to get him to come out.

He got a cursory wipe down with a wet cloth since a bath would have only added to the trauma. I waited till everyone had had some time to calm down and then I let Taz back in the room. But now they couldn't be in the same room without circling each other with hackles up and doing cat sirens. So off I went to the vet the next day to get a Feliway dispenser which is like a plug in air freshener but the oil contains happy cat pheromones. It took two days of this thing filling the air with happy pheromones and finally, thankfully, the kitties are back to their usual behavior. My hand is healing, the swelling having gone down, and there is no sign of cat scratch fever starting yet. So I think we are all clear for the trip. And that will be the next challenge with the pets. Will everyone do the trip in relative peace, or is there going to be a crisis en route? Wish me luck!

Comments

  1. Hi Connie,

    Fred here. Have you figured out that I am Forest Green yet? Your story is hilarious and I couldn't help laughing out loud! We had a similar day here involving overflowing toilets, rabbits, etc. I felt the negative energy, but it didn't dawn on me that it was a full moon. D'oh! We have recovered and the small gash on my face is healing nicely, thank you very much. I hope that your trip goes much better. Looking forward to seeing you in a few days ...

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